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Tara and I

September 26, 2012

Hello All,

I wanted to write you today in the hopes of allowing you to get to know the story of my wife Tara and I a little better. I think this story will not only help you know GOD better but also understand the cadence His work follows. The way the Holy Spirit guides people and helps them know they’re on the right path is on full display. How the Holy Spirit helps people discern truth and make decisions is the running theme.  There’s a lot of moving parts and parallel stories going on in our short life together and I’ll do my best to make them as clear and concise as possible.  I also wanted to use a little preemptive defensiveness (I made that up) and say that the majority of this story happens before either one of us are saved. This means that life and decisions with out GOD will also be on display and there are things in this story that Tara and I are not proud of, but would also never have happened with GOD in our life.

I first want to say that the past as it relates to dates and increments of time is a blur to me. If someone asked me right now how long I’ve owned my condo, I wouldn’t know if it was three or six years. I remember events and detail just not the dates, time of year or how long they last. I also don’t look forward to things much. I think this is a product of me living in the moment and I don’t take it for granted. I don’t know how I got like this but I can’t remember a time I wasn’t like this. It seems to really simplify life and allow me to focus on what’s happening now. I want to make clear this hasn’t always meant I’ve been present. That has only happened since I’ve been saved. Before that I may have been living in the moment but I certainly wasn’t present. I was always in my head, on my phone or thinking about something else. It was horrible and I knew it, but I couldn’t stop. GOD was the only one who could take that away and He did. Well that’s my first tangent.

The first time I ever saw Tara she was on the roof of our building (Yes we lived in the same building and we still do, however I moved into her unit once we were married.) Tara was with some friends as I was. I don’t remember the night very well other than I remember her telling me she was engaged and I spent the next twenty minutes trying to talk her out of it. Not because I wanted to be with her at the time (she was engaged) but because she was too young in my opinion and I totally didn’t believe in marriage as an institution. I later learned that she made the toughest decision of her life and what turned out to be the right decision to call the wedding off.  I then saw her two other times over the next year. Once when I was urinating in an alley and her fiancé and her happen to be coming down the same alley and another time on Halloween.

It wasn’t until I actually moved from my house in Orland Park to the city, that I was walking by the laundry room in our building and looked in and saw a sign that said, “Massage therapist student in building, free massage.” with a girl name Tara’s phone number and email address. I put two and two together pretty quickly and went back to my place immediately to send her an email. A few days later it was scheduled and I came to her place and knocked on the door. She started the massage and within a few minutes I’d told her everything about my life, including how long I’d been separated and also how I was about to be divorced. She was good to talk to and not judgmental. When the massage was over she said, “that’ll be $50” I hesitated a little and said, “I thought it was free” she said “Oh, that was old” I said “ok”. We exchanged numbers for future massages and as I left I thought what a con artist in a playful but somewhat serious way.

I text her a little while after and we decided to go on a date. We had dinner, things went well and she told me about how her boyfriend had just moved to Indiana and she wasn’t sure what was going to happen. We finished dinner and we drove back to the building and went our separate ways. After a couple days I text her again and she explained how her boyfriend was moving back and that she was going to be with him. I told her to text me when she’s single and left it at that. About three months later out of nowhere I get a text message from her saying “I’m single”. I’m thinking to myself “awesome”. We go on a date and that’s the beginning of an amazing six month relationship filled with more coincidence and signs from GOD than any other period of my life up until that point.

The only problem is that this atheist didn’t know they were from GOD and either did Tara since she was an atheist as well. She thought something was up but I thought everything was just that, coincidence, math, probability, etc…. I want to make clear, during my life as an atheist, I wasn’t mad at GOD, I wasn’t mad at life, I wasn’t anything, I just truly in my heart “knew” GOD didn’t exist. However I at least had the presence of mind to know that the sheer number of coincidences that were happening were worth making a note for, as pretty much everything is in my life is (I have a list and note for everything). So I wrote them all down at the time and what I think would be best is to list them for you.

– She’s walking me through the inside of her childhood home in Polo IL. She says the word ambulance for some reason and I’m looking in the opposite direction out the window as an ambulance goes by on the highway on a tow truck. I tell her about it but it’s gone by the time she looks and I can tell she thinks I’m crazy. An hour later as we’re driving out of town the ambulance is pulling out of a tire repair shop and I say, “told you!”

– We’re driving near my childhood home of Sun Prairie WI and I’m telling her about how this old building used to be a mushroom farm along with some dirty joke that goes along with how mushrooms are grown that my dad always tells. About a half an hour later and thirty miles away we’re driving on I-94 and she realizes that we’re behind the only mushroom farm truck we’ve ever seen in our life and the truck is from some far away place.

– I’m driving down the road in the middle of no where and see a billboard near Sun Prairie advertising for an attorney who’s last name is the same as hers, Schreiber.

– We both have thumbs that at the top joint bend all the way back so that we can form an upside down L with our thumb.

– During the time that we’re broken up (it’s coming later in the story) I’m leaving the building and she happens to be sitting in the lobby. When I get to a meeting with my bank I read the name sign that’s sitting on top of the secretaries desk and her last name is Schreiber.

– One of Tara’s clients gave her a bottle of wine in a paper bag (she never looked in the bag). That night we happened to be going to dinner together and it was BYOB. When we got to the restaurant Tara took the bottle of wine out and it was Justin Wine.

– On a long road trip we were on I asked Tara what she wanted to listen to and she said Sublime. I was about to say that I didn’t have any until I remembered that I had just downloaded it the day before because my friend Rocky always reminded me of them. We’d never talked about Sublime in the past. After knowing the Lord we’d never listen to something so defiling.

– I have lunch with my cousin that I haven’t talked to in years. During the conversation she tells me how her child has Alpha one antitrypsin disease and that it’s extremely rare but hereditary and that I should get tested. I get home that day and without me saying a word Tara starts telling me out of nowhere that her mom has it.

These are just from the time we were together the first time and when we were broken up. You’ll hear about even more as we start the second chapter of our life.

So the six months we were together was amazing. I never walked for fun or pleasure in my life up until I met Tara and she explained that it’s really awesome. With in a couple weeks I was doing the unthinkable, taking five or six mile walks for fun. And even crazier for me, holding hands the entire time. It wasn’t that I was lazy, it was that I was impatient and always chasing my own tail. I just wanted to get places and move on to the next thing. I always thought there was a better use of my time than what I was doing.

This stopped for the most part when I was with Tara. The other thing that stopped was lusting and looking at girls. This was the most amazing thing and it had never happened in my life before. I always hated how much lusting over girls controlled and disrupted my life but I just couldn’t stop. This society had me in its grips, with its over-sexualized movies, TV and porn. Unbeknownst to me GOD and Tara had changed all that. I realized that I wasn’t even noticing girls even when she wasn’t around. It was such a relief. I could enjoy my day and my life without looking for the next hot girl to walk by. Luckily for me this is something that GOD has continued to bless me with. As I always say, I’m not special, it’s something anyone can have if they’re ready to seek for Jesus and accept it Him.

In addition to the walks and no more lusting, we spent all of our time together. We loved being together. We felt like one. However she had a lot of insecurity about being cheated on and I didn’t have enough patience to deal with it. At the very end of our relationship I took what we had for granted and thought the grass was greener on the other side. Meaning no commitment, no insecurity and just living for myself. So after six months I decided to dump her because I didn’t think her insecurity would get any better and I thought I was creating the best atmosphere for her not to be insecure. It was horrible. For the second time in a couple of years I was breaking a girls heart. I was taking someone’s love for granted. I was totally blinded by this world because I didn’t have Jesus in my life.

So over the next six months we each did our own thing. She found a new boyfriend and I bounced from party to party pretty much living a self indulgent, selfish life. I didn’t date anyone exclusively because I no longer believed in it. I thought monogamy was a hurtful, destructive myth. I’ll post my manifesto in another post of how I saw monogamy. The one thing I did tell myself is that I’d never lie to a girl again. I’d tell them that I’m dating other people; if they asked questions, I’d tell them clearly what was happening and let the chips fall where they may. I wasn’t going to give anyone false hope or expectations. The goal was to never break another heart for the rest of my life, I couldn’t take it, and it killed me.

I soon realized that this was also not the answer. I realized I was still unintentionally playing with people’s emotions and expecting them to control those emotions way too much. I was expecting people to be way to self aware and it just isn’t possible. It’s not their fault, it’s just a ridiculous concept to think that you can hang out with someone, laugh with someone, have sex with someone and they’re not going to have feelings. The only reason I was able to pull it off was because I was the one who knew that what I was saying was for real, they always had some hope that no one could have this strong of principals.

So after “hanging out” with some girls and going on dates I realized that I hated telling girls that I didn’t want to go out again (don’t get me wrong some didn’t want to see me again). I hated the connotation that sent to them. Not following up with them was also not an option. I just couldn’t do it. It’s such a weak, shallow and cowardly thing to do. If you’re a guy who relates your self confidence with your luck with the ladies, I want to you to know that it’s short lived and incredibly insecure and heartless. Once your looks are gone or you’re sick of being loved for your money, life is going to pay you back ten fold for the games you’ve played. Even though I only lived this way for a short time, I saw the misery and pain coming from a mile away. It’s a dead end, get help and start to build your self confidence in a tangible long lasting way, in Jesus.

Soon after I realized that women chasing requires you to be a cold hearted, insecure, liar, I was saved in Nashville. You can read about it on my “about” page in my testimony. I cried all the way home from Nashville. I mean like ten hours straight. It mostly felt awesome but there was a lot of hurt and regret because of how I treated the GOD I now knew was real. I spent that time kind of beating myself up, trying to figure out how I could still have premarital sex, and a lot of the time thinking about my past life and how obvious it was now that GOD was there the whole time doing things in my life. So somewhere between Nashville and Chicago I realized that I was going to have to tell everyone I cared about what had happened in person. So over the next couple weeks I took a road trip and told about thirty people in person.

One of those people was Tara. She was living with someone else and I wasn’t really telling her this in the hopes of getting back with her (even though in the back of my mind I was thinking how awesome that would be). I just figured that she was happy and that I had broke her heart and that ship had sailed unfortunately. I still cared about her though and I wanted to tell her the truth about Jesus badly. So one day I saw her in the lobby and asked if we could talk. We went to her place and I told her my testimony. She seemed surprised but not very affected. I later learned that what she actually felt was relief. It turns out that she was almost completely over me and now the fact that I’d definitely lost my mind was the final thing that would allow her to say that she dodged a bullet by not being with me.

Going back once again to when I was on the road from Nashville, the one thing that hit me right away was that not only was GOD real but He controls everything. That He was responsible for everything. It’s hard for me to understand how some people know GOD’S real but doesn’t understand how everything in our life is controlled by Him, given by Him and relates to Him. I can’t explain it, but as soon as I knew GOD was real I instantly logically and rationally knew that He was everything.

Even though I didn’t know much about the Bible or Christianity I knew what implications GOD being real had. The other thing that also hit me immediately was that love was His invention and that He is the sole determiner of who gets to enjoy it. The thinking that we can find love or have success in love without the inventor of it, is ridiculous. I instantly understood the divorce rate in this country. I instantly knew why love causes more and more pain in this world as we move further and further away from GOD.

It also scared me to death! I had taken love for granted many times in my life. I wasn’t a horrible person and I didn’t intentionally hurt people but I was selfish, inconsiderate, ungrateful and many other things. This is life for most people without GOD. My first wife was an amazing person. We had about as good of relationship as you could have without GOD. My motivations, priorities, values and morals were all messed up without GOD. Like I said before, trying to be in two of GOD’S inventions, love and marriage without him is an insane thing. The divorce rate is at 60% and that’s just in the first three years. I think only 15% stay married for 20 years. Of that 15% how many are happy? How many are staying together for the kids? How many are staying together for vanity? How many are staying together for money? The further we get from GOD the bleaker the marriage picture in this world will look. If you’re married or thinking about getting married and you haven’t been saved, I’m urging you to start doing your own independent open minded research into the truth about Jesus Christ. Do it for your kids or future kids. Do it for your spouse.

So back to it scarred me to death. It scarred  me because I thought GOD was going to punish me for taking his most precious invention for granted. I soon learned that GOD doesn’t punish, He disciplines. Punishment is when you give a negative response and don’t care if it improves behavior. GOD is called Father for a reason. Because just like a father He only disciplines to move us away from sin. It’s just a matter of how far He has to break us down before we get it. So then I thought He was going to discipline me by withholding love from me. I knew that I wasn’t going to be going to bars and getting numbers and going on dates. I knew that you couldn’t force love. So I prayed everyday profusely that GOD would put someone in my life that I can love and that would love me.

I heard how GOD uses the Bible to communicate with us in four different ways. The first was just literally reading the words, the second was that at different times in your life it can help give you wisdom during that time, the third was by having a passage jump off the page (not literally) and the fourth was by placing a Bible verse in your head when you’re not in front of the Bible to give you clarity on the run. I hadn’t experienced any of these except for the first one until about two weeks into my intense prayer for love. I read in the Book of Revelations in one of the letter to the churches the line “Go back to the way you loved before” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I instantly knew it meant Tara. However I also knew that Tara was living with someone and for all I knew happy. It felt so selfish for me to jump back into her life after breaking her heart. So I didn’t do anything for two weeks. During those two weeks (this part always makes me tear up) she never left my mind and never left my heart. During this time I must have seen her boyfriend ten times in two weeks where previously I think I saw him once. As I said, by this time I knew what coincidence on that level meant.

So after two weeks I sent an email telling her how I felt. Two days after I sent it she read it and sent me a text saying something along the lines of “I just got your email, it’s really thrown me for a loop, I don’t know what to think.” She later told me how angry she was with me. How she was over me and the email created chaos in her life.  As I read that text I looked up to see her current boyfriend waiting for her at the bottom of our building in his car. Again this only reaffirmed that I was on GOD’S path.  The next affirmation that I got was a couple days later when I got a text from her asking me if I’d just been in the elevator. I got that text about one minute after getting out of the elevator with my friend Rocky, I had told him about all the crazy stuff and we were both amazed. She later told me she smelled me and thought she was going crazy.

After a couple days we decided to meet and talk. She came to my place and things felt good for both of us. It was awkward and not smooth but there was a comfort there. We just talked nothing else. This sparked off a two week tumultuous period filled with trials and tribulations. She was confused and protecting her heart which I don’t blame her for at all. She broke up with the guy she was with just to change her mind out of utter confusion the next day, twice. It was horrible but I was reaping what I sewed and I knew it. I didn’t hold anything against her.

About a week into this horrible period it became crystal clear to me from GOD that I wasn’t going to have premarital sex again. As much as I tried to rationalize it and twist the Bible, I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore. It was not only clear from GOD but when I thought about the real life rational pitfalls of it, for about the hundredth time in two weeks the Bible made perfect rational sense in a sick, twisted, subverted and perverted world.

At the time I wasn’t having sex with anyone but I knew it was no longer an option. So I also realized that I had to tell Tara this right away. She was in the middle of trying to decide whether to be with me or not and this wasn’t something that I would just be able to spring on her after she made the choice. I knew it wasn’t going to increase my chances but I had no choice. So I asked if we could meet again. We met in the park near her work and I broke the news to her. She didn’t take it as bad I was expecting but it hit me right then and there that I had just unwittingly raised the stakes. By saying that, her decision went from should we date again, to am I willing to marry this guy. She held her cards close to her chest and we finished the talk.

It then turns out that we were both going to be in Florida at the same time only thirty miles apart both visiting our mom. Both trips had been planned for some time and we couldn’t believe it. For a minute she told me that she was going to dump her boyfriend again and let me pick her up from the airport but she changed her mind the next day because she couldn’t do that to him. It was torture. I was going crazy the whole time I was in Florida but the Holy Spirit made it manageable. GOD kept giving me little signs that things would work out. The one I remember clearest is when my mom and I were driving to Miami and as I was feeling really low I drove by “Tara Salon”. I instantly felt better and kept hope alive.

About a week later after several emails and phone calls pretty much filled with me begging her to give me another chance, telling her how good I’d be to her and pretty much trying to rationalize the whole thing, I was walking out of church when I got a text saying “I’m sorry I questioned what we had, I love you, I want to be with you, how long until you’ll be home?” I darted back to the building and went to her place and we kissed and embraced. I instantly felt an energy and a love that I’d never experienced before. It was electric for about a week after that. It’s never left, I think I just got a little more used to it. We kissed for hours a day. We never left each other’s side for a week.

Soon Tara was asking me if she had to know GOD to be with me. This had come up before and I told her white lie after white lie and said “no”. I knew that wasn’t the case. I knew the Bible was strict in this area and for good reason. To be married to a person who doesn’t understand the most fundamental, important truth in this world would be like being married to someone who you can’t communicate with at all. The Bible always makes perfect rational sense when you take the time to understand and study it. However I also knew that if GOD was taking me down this road, that He had plans for her as well. I told her those white lies so that she didn’t do anything just to be with me. I wanted her to form a relationship with GOD for herself because she wanted it.

So over the next month Tara asked me questions, read a little bit of the Bible from time to time and went to church with me. She starts telling me that I seem like a different person and how I’ve changed dramatically. I’d tell her that the Holy Spirit changes you from the inside out, it’s not something you can fake, it’s how you know you’ve started a real relationship with GOD and have been saved. There were times when I’d get frustrated because it didn’t seem like she was getting it but she held her ground. She was doing things on her own terms and at her own pace and for most of that month I knew she kind of thought I was crazy but I didn’t hold it against her or get mad. I knew God would handle it on His timetable. So one Sunday we decided to go to church.

This part of the story I wish Tara had a blog for but I’ll do my best to recreate the scene. Later that night we went to another church to hear John Bevere speak. He had a powerful message and at the end of the message he asked everyone to bow their heads. He then said “anyone who’d like to give their life to Jesus Christ please raise your hand.” To my surprise Tara raised her hand. This was shocking to me because there were about 500 people there and Tara is the shyest person in the world. If I cough in church she gets embarrassed and a little upset. So I started breathing heavy. John then said, “Anyone who has their hand up, that would still like to give their life to Christ please stand up.” I thought to myself this guy is killing me, this is horrible. A couple seconds later Tara stands up. I start breathing heavier as tears start to roll down my face. John then says “anyone that is standing that would still like to give their life to Jesus Christ please come to the front of the stage” I seriously wanted to stand up and yell at him, he was ruining what was a perfect chance at the most beautiful thing on this planet. A couple seconds later Tara starts past me on her way and I’m overcome with joy and GOD’S love. She gets to the front of the stage and in a burst of joy she starts crying loudly as she gives her life to Christ. All you can hear over all the commotion in the church is Tara crying the loudest tears of joy I’ve ever heard. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed. She was later baptized on June 24th.

One parallel story that had been going on since we got back together is that even though I knew that we couldn’t have sex, I didn’t really know what sex meant in GOD’S eyes. The Holy Spirit was inherently telling me that we couldn’t have intercourse and that we couldn’t have oral sex and that neither of us could masturbate(which we didn’t, masturbation is an addiction, and self love and a form of homosexuality) and that we couldn’t touch each others genitals or expose them and that we couldn’t orgasm. We held to all of this thanks to the Holy Spirit. Did we get really aroused and excited, yes. Was it kind of torture, yes. We were kissing each other everywhere except our genitals and having simulated sex.

After Tara was saved I could tell that something was slightly off. That Tara was pulling back a little. From the beginning I felt a little weird being so aggressive but I thought I’d definitely raised the bar high enough as you can see above. Things continued to feel just a little off until I read this Bible verse, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity…because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3 in this article. I instantly knew what God expected and I also knew where the weird feelings were coming from. It was also more proof of how strong the Holy Spirit was in Tara since she felt the wrongness of it stronger and clearer than me. After that we only did light kissing on the lips, which I now know is even too much. There should be no touching at all until you’re married. Touch is a very powerful thing and can easily lead to lust. Anything that creates lust before marriage is sin, including spending too much time together.

With sex and sexual energy out of the way we could enjoy the other 95% of our relationship. Again what I used to think of as the most illogical backward thing about the Bible made perfect sense when you have the Holy Spirit and realize how this world has turned us all to subverted, perverted fools.

The other thing that’s going on during this time is that Tara and I are pretty much living together. We slept with each other every night. Now even though there’s no specific Bible verse that says this is a sin or wrong, the Bible does say that even the perception of sin is wrong. That if the outside world sees you doing something and they perceive evil, it should be avoided. Tara and I were aware of this and to the people that were close to us we explained the dynamics. It wasn’t perfect but it was what it was. If I knew what I know now we would have never lived together.

So around the end of May, Tara and I knew that we were going to get married the only question was when. I told her I didn’t know what size ring she wore so she gave me a ring that she already had and told me that it was a half a size to big for her. I said, “cool” and I unintentionally put in on the counter in the most obvious place in my condo. After a couple of days of me doing nothing with it and not moving it, I could tell that she was taking notice, but neither of us said anything. One day she got a new iPhone and left it with me to set up while she went to work. This same day I decided to go to a random jewelry store and get her a band. She was already getting a ring from her grandma that she really liked so all I needed to find was the band in the style she wanted.

So on June 1st I walked to a place on Clark Street after passing by two places that were closed. I walked in and said “I need an engagement band for my wife” He said, “I only have one, I’ll probably have to order one” I said “let me see it”. When he showed it to me it was exactly what she wanted. I couldn’t believe it. He then took the ring Tara previously gave me and put it on the stick to measure it. After that he took the engagement band and put it on there and said “it’s a quarter size too small” I instantly realized that GOD knew that the half size too big Tara had quoted me earlier was actually a quarter size too big. I almost cried. When you realize that the creator of the universe is noticing you and even more so guiding you, it’s the most humbling feeling in the world. And when He starts doing it through out your life over and over and over it’s simply indescribable. I’m begging you to give your life to Jesus!!!!!!

So I bought the ring, brought it home and put the ring she gave me back on the counter in the same place it always was. I then took the iPhone I was setting up for her and put in capital letters on the note app “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” so that when she turned the phone on it’d be the first thing she saw. When she walked in her eyes instantly went to the ring sitting on the counter the same way they had the previous four days. We gave each other a hug and kiss and as she sat on the couch I said, “here’s your phone”. She turned it on and her eyes got big and when she looked up to ask me if I was serious I was on one knee with the ring. She started crying about as hard as she did when she was saved, it was beautiful. She then said, “but my ring is still on the counter.” It’s at that point I explained my cleverness and she was so surprised and excited.

The next question is when, where and how. Tara was looking for destination weddings and came upon Big Sur California. It looked amazing. We decided to get a wedding planner out there and make it happen. We’d only invite our closest friends and family and really make it special. I have to say a small wedding is definitely the way to go. Instead of spending a bunch of money on 150 people, where 10% feel like you’re wasting their Saturday, 20% are neutral about being there, and 100% you don’t get to spend enough time with you, spend a the money on the most special people in your life.  The wedding took place on July 22nd and it was so special. GOD was everywhere and I could see His effects on everyone there. He was softening hearts and changing people’s normal behavior. I’ve never seen my dad so happy, open hearted and vulnerable. GOD was affecting everything from the people to the barking sea lions as we overlooked the Pacific Ocean. On the way to the ceremony it became clear that it wasn’t going to be sunny. It was foggy along the mountainous coast of Northern California and foolishly I was wondering what GOD was thinking. It wasn’t until half way through the ceremony that I realized that we were getting married in a cloud. That the clouds gently climbing the mountain behind us were amazing and the conditions were perfect for pictures. Everything turned out perfect except maybe we could have used ten more degrees.

Another parallel story that’s going on during all of this is about a month before we were engaged Tara mentioned that she had a hotel in Paris booked for four days from a trip that she was no longer taking. She said that it’s not worth going all the way there for four days, so where else should we go. I don’t know where it came from but I blurted out Switzerland. It turns out the trip that we were just planning for fun turned out to be at a perfect time to be our honeymoon. We left for Switzerland three days after our wedding.  I’ll tell about that trip at another time but all I can say is Switzerland is the most amazing place on this planet.

Since then we have continued to grow in truth. We’re attending marriage classes once a week for eight weeks. They are so informative and enlightening. I realized after the first class how foolish it is that we take classes for everything in life except marriage.  That we should just be born to understand the most complex and important relationship of our life. Whether you understand truth or not I strongly suggest that you take marriage classes before or soon after you get married or now! It’s the best night of our week. The classes tear down our walls and open our hearts. We talk about what we learned and about how it affects each other the entire five mile walk home.

To wrap this up I want to make clear that I don’t tell this story for our glory or to boast. I’m simply telling you an honest account of what our life has been like with the one and only living GOD. I only tell this story and let you into our life with the sincere hope that you’ll be discerning enough to see that every word of this comes from the heart and is genuine. That there is nothing more real than GOD and His love for each and every one of us. That what I wrote about here is available to everyone.  That all you have to do is accept the gift that He’s offering. I tell it in such detail so that whether you believe or not, the longer you read this blog the less you’ll be able to ignore Him. That the more you read the more you’ll understand Him.  That the more you understand Him the more real He’ll become. And the more real He becomes the more He’ll expect of you. The less you’ll be able to claim ignorance or indifference to His design. There is Bible verse after Bible verse that shows that people are judged upon their understanding. That the more you understand the quicker and clearer His loving discipline will be. That the more you understand the less wiggle room you’re allowed. That the more you understand the less you can ignore Him. The more you understand the less you’ll want to ignore Him!

http://www.thetruthproject.org/

If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. (2 Corinthians 5:13)

From → Testimonies

4 Comments
  1. Jordan permalink

    it was interesting for me to see how you seemed to make huge mistakes such as the inappropriate sexuality and lust that was going on, and how God still brought you two together and blessed and gave grace in spite of the flaws and mistakes that were made.

  2. Thanks for the kind words and support Lawrence and “ourstories”. You definitely can’t make this stuff up and what I always like to ask people is if true, how do you rationalize living your life without truth?

  3. Well as the saying goes, you can’t make this stuff up. I am just amazed at this story and so appreciate you telling it in such detail. Wow! God was not giving up on you…His eye was on you, one of His sparrows. You’ve got a book here and it’s your life. Bless you and Tara both!!

  4. lvbarnes permalink

    Thank you for sharing. Your list of pointed directions that leap-frogged each other has made me realize that the random things I have seen/felt were, perhaps, not so random after all. I think it is time to start taking the hints and see where this new path leads. Thanks, Lawrence

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